So, as you'd probably guessed from the last post, I celebrated my 21st birthday last week. This means that in America, I can drink. Not that exciting, considering I've been drinking legally here in Australia for the past 3 years, but whatever.
Being 21 also means responsibilities, and finally having to act like an adult.
Whenever I'd celebrated my birthdays in the past, the first thing anyone ever asked me was "How does it feel to be ___?"
What sort of a question is that?
Is one day supposed to change you so completely, that you're no longer the same person with the same thoughts and wishes? Is feeling nine years old different from feeling eight? To me, it all seemed to be a huge blur.
But now, I feel that the question finally makes sense.
How does it feel to be twenty-one?
Terrifying, is the short answer to that question.
It seemed that all at once, all these responsibilities and adult things suddenly sprung up, and I have to struggle to understand them, to conquer them, and to be, well, an adult.
I still live with my dad. I've never had a proper job. I have no qualifications apart from my high-school degree. I don't have a source of income. And I desperately want to move out.
There's a lot of problems with this last point. Moving out equals having money in order to actually pay for things, like food, rent, bills, and other things. It just feels like all at once, I'm being bombarded with all these responsibilities--oh gosh, when I get a job, I'll have to do TAXES. How??--and it feels suffocating. They don't teach you this stuff at school. They just expect you to have your birthday, and suddenly know what a mortgage is, how best to save money, how to pay taxes, how to get a job, how to create a routine of fending for yourself in the real world. And it's terrifying, you know?
It's even more terrifying if you're like me and have ridiculous anxiety, and worry about the smallest thing.
I have to take things in baby steps. I'm going to consider adding this to my new years resolution list, because this is important.
Firstly: get a job. Any job. Something to help me get some money, and experience, so I can start saving up to move out.
Secondly: think about moving out. My friends and I have come up with a plan (though, it may or may not even end up coming to fruition, but even if we don't stick to it, I'll be sticking to it and trying to make something of it), that in 2014 we find a place, and live together.
Thirdly: survive, I guess. I don't really know what comes next. Life? Some mysterious next step in adulthood that no one's bothered to inform me about? I don't know.
All this needs to be done while at the same time managing my other goals, studying, and generally trying to survive living.
Seems easy enough, right?
So yeah, wish me luck.