The Next Chapter of My Life : Now Featuring Responsibilities!

So, as you'd probably guessed from the last post, I celebrated my 21st birthday last week. This means that in America, I can drink. Not that exciting, considering I've been drinking legally here in Australia for the past 3 years, but whatever.

Being 21 also means responsibilities, and finally having to act like an adult.

Whenever I'd celebrated my birthdays in the past, the first thing anyone ever asked me was "How does it feel to be ___?"

What sort of a question is that?

Is one day supposed to change you so completely, that you're no longer the same person with the same thoughts and wishes? Is feeling nine years old different from feeling eight? To me, it all seemed to be a huge blur.

But now, I feel that the question finally makes sense.

How does it feel to be twenty-one?

Terrifying, is the short answer to that question.

It seemed that all at once, all these responsibilities and adult things suddenly sprung up, and I have to struggle to understand them, to conquer them, and to be, well, an adult.

I still live with my dad. I've never had a proper job. I have no qualifications apart from my high-school degree. I don't have a source of income. And I desperately want to move out.

There's a lot of problems with this last point. Moving out equals having money in order to actually pay for things, like food, rent, bills, and other things. It just feels like all at once, I'm being bombarded with all these responsibilities--oh gosh, when I get a job, I'll have to do TAXES. How??--and it feels suffocating. They don't teach you this stuff at school. They just expect you to have your birthday, and suddenly know what a mortgage is, how best to save money, how to pay taxes, how to get a job, how to create a routine of fending for yourself in the real world. And it's terrifying, you know?
It's even more terrifying if you're like me and have ridiculous anxiety, and worry about the smallest thing.

I have to take things in baby steps. I'm going to consider adding this to my new years resolution list, because this is important.
Firstly: get a job. Any job. Something to help me get some money, and experience, so I can start saving up to move out.
Secondly: think about moving out. My friends and I have come up with a plan (though, it may or may not even end up coming to fruition, but even if we don't stick to it, I'll be sticking to it and trying to make something of it), that in 2014 we find a place, and live together.
Thirdly: survive, I guess. I don't really know what comes next. Life? Some mysterious next step in adulthood that no one's bothered to inform me about? I don't know.

All this needs to be done while at the same time managing my other goals, studying, and generally trying to survive living.

Seems easy enough, right?

So yeah, wish me luck.

2013 Resolutions

Happy New Year!

I want to focus on this new year with a positive eye and with positive goals in mind. It's important that I look after myself and my mental health.
Anyways, without further ado, here are my resolutions:

• Read at least 100 books

My goal last year was to read 200 books, and I barely made it. The only reason I actually broke my goal was because I'd read a whole bunch of short story/novella ebooks to bump up my book count. It was stressful to try to reach my goal, and I really don't want to go through that again. 100 seems like a nice, safe number. Very doable, and high enough that it'll make me feel good about myself. 

• Write at least one complete novel

As a writer, I need to constantly be writing. Duh.

Notice that the word complete is in there. Last year, I'd written one complete novel, and two novels that were a bit more than half done, but I'd kind of lost myself and abandoned it. I don't want to keep doing that.

• Get passing grades at uni

Uni is very hard for me. Because of my mental health problems, I sometimes don't have the will to get out of bed, let alone travel all the way into the city to be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people. I struggled last year, because I skipped so many classes and lectures because of my depression/anxiety (also, I was pretty sick at one point). So, my goal this year isn't to not skip classes, because that won't help my mental health, but instead to try to do better at my coursework. If I skip a class, then I have to get ahead: do all the readings and assignments well ahead of time to make up for the lost classes.

• Keep a reading journal

I got this idea from bettielee from Far Seeing Fairy Tales, to keep a journal of all the books I've read this year, and to write short tidbits of how I felt, notable quotes, and other such stuff. It's sort of like reviewing, I guess, except that this will be a project for myself. When I reviewed books, it got to the point where I wasn't doing it for myself any more, but for my readers and for publishers, and for my GR followers. And that wasn't fun. It felt like a chore, a job. But maybe, if I do this reading journal thing, it'll open me up a bit, and get me back on track to writing a review every now and then. We'll see. 

I already have a gorgeous notebook all ready and waiting for my first entry. I'm sort of excited. :)

• Be more social

Because of my mental health problems, it's very hard to make friends, or to keep them. I have severe social anxiety that makes me keep to myself, and ignore people, because that's how I feel safest. But, in order to make and keep friends, I have to open up a bit. Just a bit. This will be a continual work in progress, and who knows, it might be one that I have to keep working at for years. 

Speaking of which...

• Work on bettering my mental health

From the amount of times I've mentioned it in this post, by now you've guessed that my mental health is a bad thing. It consumes me, in the simplest sense. 

Last year, I already took the first steps towards bettering myself by getting myself to a psychologist and getting on antidepressants to help me somewhat. The goal for this year is to find a psychiatrist that works well with me and my specific problems, and to find ways to control my compulsive habits. Like the previous goal, this is something that I need to work on in baby steps, and it may take several years to work towards.

• Finish editing FG

FG is my precious main project. It's the novel I want to get published more than anything. Problem is, I need to finish editing it. 

I'm very slow and lazy when it comes to editing. But this year, I'm going to discipline myself. I need to get better at editing on a deadline, otherwise, no agent nor publisher would want to work with me. 

Also, I'm fairly sure that my CPs are getting really annoyed at me for making them wait so long, haha. You'll get it soon, guys, I promise!

So yeah, these are my new years resolutions. In a years time, we'll see if I've kept them.